We Have Got To Get John Scalzi A Movie Production Gig

John Scalzi, via Instapundit

A producer of Creation, the film about Charles Darwin and his wife Emma, starring Paul Bettany and his real-life wife Jennifer Connelly, is griping that the film has no distributor in the US, apparently because so many Americans are evolution-hating mouth-breathers that no one wants the touch the thing; it's just too darn controversial.

Well, it may be that. Alternately, and leaving aside any discussion of the actual quality of the film, it may be that a quiet story about the difficult relationship between an increasingly agnostic 19th Century British scientist and his increasingly devout wife, thrown into sharp relief by the death of their beloved 10-year-old daughter, performed by mid-list stars, is not exactly the sort of film that's going to draw in a huge winter holiday crowd, regardless of whether that scientist happens to be Darwin or not, and that these facts are rather more pertinent, from a potential distributor's point of view. . . . Maybe if Charles Darwin were played by Will Smith, was a gun-toting robot sent back from the future to learn how to love, and to kill the crap out of the alien baby eaters cleverly disguised as Galapagos tortoises, and then some way were contrived for Jennifer Connelly to expose her breasts to RoboDarwin two-thirds of the way through the film, and there were explosions and lasers and stunt men flying 150 feet into the air, then we might be talking wide-release from a modern major studio. Otherwise, you know, not so much. The "oh, it's too controversial for Americans" comment is, I suspect, a bit of face-saving rationalization from a producer

If you think Scalzi is exaggerating, sit and actually write down a synopsis of the plot for "Transformers" and see if you get anything that makes any more sense - just substitute "Jennifer Connelly's bare breasts" with "Megan Fox's bare midriff."

  • Midwesterner

    I will fork over whatever movie tickets cost these days for a look at Jennifer Connelly's boobies. Just sayin'.

  • Jim Collins

    Get Megan Fox to play the daughter and kick her age up to 18. Best of both worlds.

  • DrTorch

    Yeah, well I'm not setting any of my kids next to galapagos tortises. Just sayin'.

  • nom de guerre

    hey now. connelly only unleashes her sweater puppies when the demands of the character arc *require it*. or when it's *absolutely necessary* to move the story forward. you're acting as if her onscreen hooterage is gratuitous, or something. hollywood actresses don't do that! heck no! as feminists, i'm sure they're deeply offended by the very *notion* they'd take their clothes off for money. this is about their *craft*, man. their ART. and if you can't see that, you're just a backwards provincial rube. the kind of hick that goes to a thoughtful, provocative film about a scientific genius (never mind the absence of transitional species and fossils! he's a genius, i tell you!!) hoping to see ol' jen naked. the kind of lout that refers to a woman's breasts as "snack trays".

    i think even charles darwin would agree that store-bought knockers are proof god loves us and wants us to be happy, though. a hundred thousand years of evolutionary improvement in a 15-minute operation.

  • > just substitute “Jennifer Connelly’s bare breasts” with “Megan Fox’s bare midriff.”

    Just substitute "me watching that movie 400 times" for "Transformers? They made a movie of that?"

  • Link

    Many believe that Jennifer Connelley had breast reduction surgery, so that what were once possible Ds early in her career now aren't even solid Cs -- presumably she did this to be taken more seriously as an actress. What God created ... just sayin.'

  • tehag

    "A producer of Creation, the film about Charles Darwin and his wife Emma, starring Paul Bettany and his real-life wife Jennifer Connelly, is griping that the film has no distributor in the US, apparently because so many Americans are evolution-hating mouth-breathers that no one wants the touch the thing; it’s just too darn controversial."

    Exaggerating? Fantasizing is more like it. It's bigotry and nonsense; PR shock & schlock only. If Michael Moore's films can make money, so can Creation.

  • epobirs

    I doubt Connelly had a breast reduction. She was made to look more buxom than the reality in the John Hughes written 'Career Opportunities' and also in 'The Rocketeer' where her character was based on Bettie Page, following the Dave Stevens comics. But both of those movies were produced after her notoriously nude scenes in 'The Hot Spot.' The latter movie makes it plain that while very attractive, the rack is far less impressive than one might have been lead to believe. At some point in the last decade, she became a vegan and the resulting scrawniness gave life to the rumors of surgical reduction. It just ain't so. What was thought lost was never really there.

    I suggested to Instapundit that Scalzi's movie can be had for cheap by editing together 'I, Robot' and 'The Hot Spot' with the RiffTrax crew supplying the new voice track.

  • me again

    4 words - Requiem for a dream. The movie (though disturbing) is fantastic, and Jennifer... well... just make sure you get the unedited version.

  • Heretic

    Breast reduction surgery=Devolution
    Just sayin'